The "past" is still "today"

9/11. September 11. September 11, 2001 to be exact. Many people will talk about where they were on that day, what they were doing, where they were going when they heard the news that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I have written on where I was before, but that isn't what this post is about. Today, I reflect on a world that was forever changed by those events. I look at a nation that is no longer united, but divided, more so than we have been in a long time. I look at my 3 sons and how they will never know the world that I grew up in.

Two of my sons are old enough to learn about the events of September 11. My oldest is in 3rd grade this year, my middle is in Kindergarten. I'm sure their teacher is talking about the significance of what happened today and the war that came about because of it. I would hope she is. We live on a marine base. You see, my kids won't just not know the world that I grew up in, but their world is forever changed by the events of that day. Let me explain.

My husband is in the Navy, but we are stationed with Marines at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina; The largest marine base on the east coast. Base living is having your own city at your disposal and then being able to go out into the "city" for the things you can't get on base (which isn't much). We have schools, we have a grocery store, we have gyms, an exchange (think target or walmart type store), gas stations, fast food restaurants, everything you can think of. We also have loss.

We have deployments. We have farewell ceremonies. We have funerals. My kids will never be sheltered from loss. We had to explain at a very early age about death and life. They will never live in a bubble thinking that their world will be exactly the same year in and year out. My kids will fear their dad will not come home. My kids will have soccer games, baseball games, school plays, birthdays, holidays, first days of school, last days of school, summers, winters and springs without their dad. So will my nephews who are the same ages. And so will the hundreds of kids they go to school with on a daily basis.

My husband is currently on deployment, but I am one of the lucky ones. He isn't in "the sand box", but my brother is. My nephews have had to deal with their daddy "fighting the bad guys" 5 times. Think of all of the things I said above, but 5, that's right FIVE times. Think of my sister-in-law, who is one of my personal heros having to say goodbye to her husband 5 times. I can't even fathom what goes through my nephews heads as they see their daddy put on his uniform and pack up his stuff. They are getting old enough to learn about these things and I know it will make it that much harder on them. My neighbor to my left leaves in a month. My neighbor to my right left a few weeks ago. My neighbor down the block left a month ago. Another neighbor down the block is coming back from his SECOND time in the 2 years I've known him. Yet another neighbor has LEFT for the second time in the almost 2 years I've known him. Another neighbor further down the block is leaving in a month. You see, for our family and those that live here with us, September 11 isn't just a day. It's a constant reminder that their work is not done.  It is a constant reminder that someone must sacrifice. That someone is us.

September 11 is a reminder to us all, that while we hold memorial services for those lives that were lost that day, there have been many more lives that have been lost since then. There are memorial services being held every day in memory of someone else who lost their life in this constant battle. There are families all around us that will celebrate a homecoming and hug their service member with everything they have. There will be tears, there will be kisses, there will be hugs; for you see, they live in the moment. They don't know when the next call will be saying "pack your bag, you're leaving". There are also families around us that will hear the doorbell ring. They will find men in their dress uniforms, on official business, telling them that their loved one has been killed in action. There will be a chaplain that has the task of trying to comfort that family and help them try to make sense of a world that is now turned upside down. That chaplain is us. Those men are us. Those families are us.

When a husband or wife deploys, you try to find ways to occupy your time so you are not thinking about your family or your service member 24/7. You count the days down as best you can to when you will be able to see their face, feel their kiss, bask in their embrace. For you see...while you count down, you wait. You don't watch the news, you freeze when you hear the doorbell at an odd time. You wake up with a startle when your phone rings at midnight. You wait. You cope. You do what you can to survive.

My oldest and middle son had a "freedom walk" today at school. At first, I wondered just how many of the kids "got" it, including my own: What the walk was about, what the significance of today is. Then I realized, they don't just "get" it. They live it. My boys will hear the words "my dad is deployed" or "my mom is deployed" many times over today. They will hug their good friends, tell their friends they're sorry; they will ask their friends where their dads/moms are and when they are coming home. They will be curious as to whose parents do what jobs over there. They will talk.

They will talk to their classmates and friends in a way no other kid can, because no other kid understands unless they live here. They "get" it all too well.

So today my prayer is this. I pray that as a country we can once again go back to the days following 9/11. The unity this nation felt, the persistent urge to get things right with anyone you had ever wronged. The praying, the fasting, the crying out to God to have mercy on our nation. The constant watching of the TV to get any kind of news on what was happening. The days when you would turn on your TV and pray for a complete stranger because you saw pictures of loved ones holding posters and crying out to anyone who would listen and clinging to a hope that the loved one they were looking for was still alive. Praying for the first responders. The policemen, the firemen, the retired military, the active military, the doctors, the nurses, the plain old civilians that put their own fears aside and saved so many lives. Yes, we had loss that day. We have loss every day. As a nation, lets not mourn the past, but instead "remember" the past.

Remember that, for some of us, the "past" is still "today".

Life is Busy

I remembered the other day that I had not posted in quite some time to my blog. I began wondering what happened and how I was so excited about something just to have it shoved off to the way-side. Then I remembered. It was summer and our life is BUSY! Just some of the things that have happened: Little man is now 8 months old, has 2 teeth and is getting where he wants to go by pushing himself backwards. Sporty Smurf has had a full summer of meeting new friends that have moved into the neighborhood, all boys and all between the ages of 4-6. Talk about FUN! We also have a new "hay house - play house" in the backyard so all the said boys tend to converge upon our yard. Brainy smurf has had a busy summer identifying snakes, leaves and all kinds of new things. He has gotten very involved in "star wars" particularly the Lego Star Wars and Lego Ninjago. So, between me getting little man out of places he's not supposed to go, monitoring fights outside between neighborhood boys and learning how to read Lego instructions, it doesn't leave much time for much else. Literally, not much else.

I have had the opportunity to go into some of our neighbors houses. I marvel at how they are able to keep it so clean. Maybe it's because their husbands are marines (they are known for being anal about such things). Maybe its because they don't have as much "stuff" or as many kids as we do. I don't know. I can't seem to understand how ours can be so dirty and unorganized and yet clean and organized all at the same time. I am on a constant roller coaster of getting things done but my 3 hurricanes come right behind me and tear it all back up. I want them to enjoy life and to have fun, but when does the cycle end? Does the cycle end? In looking and truly wondering what my neighbors secrets are, it made me realize something about myself. I can't finish a task at one time. I have to start, go back to it, then go back yet again and finish it. I am being pulled in three directions at a time and I have waaaay too much stuff to do. BUT, then I also realized something else. While I may not have the cleanest house on the block or the prettiest yard on the block, I have 3 kids who need me, want to be around me and want to be doing things with me and THAT is a whole lot more fun. So, I've come to a conclusion. I would much rather be outside with them, taking pictures of them playing and playing star wars with them. While I do want a clean house and nice things, I don't ever want my kids to feel like they are second to my chores. Chores are important, don't get me wrong, but for me, there is only so much time in the day that my kids are with me and I would rather be with them. Now, before those of you who are reading this that are my neighbors get all offended, I am not saying that is what you do. I am still in awe of how you are able to keep your house immaculate, have kids running in and out all day and be gone. For me though, it seems like I will not have that balance. I have realized that it is a choice I make on a daily basis. The school year is going to help me to keep my house clean. We get into a school routine of school and daily chores before play and that helps. I also know that we as a family have too much stuff. I am working on the boys and my stuff, but as all good military wives know, sometimes we have to wait till deployments or our honeys to get to their "honey-do" list to "de-clutter" the rest.

Spiderman can't climb our walls

So, as most of you now know, Sporty smurf has a fancy for costumes. He just LOVES being superheros, a policeman, doctor, Super Why...anything he can come up with. We have a "contact strip" hook that holds our dogs leashes, or at least we did.
I'm upstairs doing laundry and I hear this THUD, then a whimper. I run to the top of the stairs to discover my middle man on the floor in his superman cape, spiderman mask and diego gloves. You see, we don't have a "real" spiderman costume, so he creates his own. I ran down the stairs in a panic afraid of what he was going to tell me. "Are you okay?" "uh huh - my fell off that hook." "you did WHAT?!?!?" "My was being spiderman and trying to climb the wall and dat hook fell!"

Now, at this point some of you are thinking "oh my gosh! Is he okay?" Yes, he's fine. Just got the wind knocked out of him. This instance though is fairly normal for our house however. I look up at the wall and sure enough there where the hook was was a BIG brown hole. I couldn't help myself...I started to laugh. I couldn't stop. Why? Because the HOOK was still attached to the paint on the wall which was now on the floor!! I couldn't even believe it! I just kept staring at it. He had ripped the hook off the wall to the drywall! I don't even know how we're going to explain this when we leave. Praises that it is behind the front door and not in the foyer somewhere. I still chuckle when I think about this because it is our "normal."

Here's what I've learned from this experience:
1. Contact strips will hold a lot of things to a wall but not a 40 lb 4 year old.
2. With a cape and a mask you can do anything. You are a superhero after all.
3. Live life in random spurts of insanity and impulse.
4. With 3 boys, you never know where your next adventure will come from.
5. ALWAYS have a camera on hand.

Where do I start...

Sometimes I feel like I just need a place to vent frustration. I wonder at times if there are people out there who truly feel like I do. Do they feel the frustration, the anger, the compassion, the love that I do for my husband and my children. Do they have bad mommy moments or mommy of the year moments that they would unabashedly talk about? I do. So, while this may be my first post, it won't be my last. Forget twitter or FB notes...they don't have the amount of room that I need. :) I hope that you will at least find my posts entertaining.